No matter how old you are, there is nothing better than occupying the same orbit as others who know you well.  When you share the same space, all the superficial layers of pleasantry drop away. It’s because there is no need for this—for however it happens, you come together more or less disarmed, and you are completely okay with it.  I wish I could say that this is an occurrence that happens with regular frequency, but I think we all know that with the busy lives that we lead, such moments are a luxury.

I remember first writing about this over a decade ago. It was during an improvised reunion with my childhood best friend as we randomly met up in Rome. Even though many years had passed and we had hardly talked, it was still one of the easiest moments in my life. As if a cipher had been decrypted—even before we knew that it was a puzzle. That’s when I first realized how important these moments are. 

What’s pretty cool about life is that you will meet tons of people. Some will drive you crazy, some will be somewhat forgettable—but others, those are the ones for whatever reason are the people who will stick with you. Even if you don’t see them for many years, a part of them will remain in your heart and you will always think of them with fondness and respect. Indeed, last weekend I told a (male) friend of mine that I was going away for a girls’ weekend. “Hmmm,” he told me, “That doesn’t strike me as a thing that Megan would do.”  I laughed at the characterization—for indeed, I work in a sector where males are in the majority. But still, that doesn’t mean that I am able to function without certain people in my life. 

And for me, those certain people happen to be my girlfriends who make me comfortable. From the moment I met them, I knew that they were my people (or at least, I had hoped that they’d be). And fortune of all fortunes, I felt as though they accepted me without reservation. Smart, easy-going and with a degree of emotional intelligence that I always value, they showed that they understood how I was doing without me needing to say a word. I have no doubt that others have the same experiences with close friends, regardless of their gender identity…but for me, this particular construct is an important one. 

Over the past weekend, when we had our ladies’ getaway, we talked about all kinds of things.  Of the more inconsequential topics, we spoke about musicals. I personally do not enjoy musicals (too much singing), but I did admit that I have a soft spot for Baz Luhrmann’s Moulin Rouge!. Call me out for exposing my vulnerable side, but I found stylistic and lyrical aspects in the film that really spoke to me. One of the key phrases was, “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”

You can apply this maxim when talking about romantic love. You can use it when talking about family members. And indeed, you can absolutely use it when talking about your peers, your loved ones, your chosen family—the people who just get who you are. The people who give you the space to give love how you are comfortable in doing so but also in receiving it. It’s hard to explain, but also at the same time, it is so simple. And then again, for some strange reason, these shared experiences can also be so hard to come by.

I think a lot about how our mental health is affected by our day to day lives. The stressors, the work obligations, the things going on within our families. When my girlfriends and I booked this trip many months ago, it seemed so far off. Other things were going on. Pressing details of life admin needed tending to. And even as the departure date grew closer, I found that I had virtually no space in my mind to give thought to the details of the mini-vacation. All I knew is that we had flights booked and a decent place to stay. The rest would surely take care of itself. 

And even as the eve before my departure came upon me, I found myself saying to my partner, “I don’t want to go”.  Of course, I knew that I did want to see my dear friends—but I was also battling this inner inertia that stemmed from being so tired of The Adult Life. I felt like I could just as easily have spent that weekend on the couch finishing up the latest season of Hacks—an wonderful series about an aging woman who is still working her butt off to be a relevant comedian. But my partner reassured me that of course I wanted to go, and with that my bag was packed. My tired ass was headed to the departure gates of the airport.

It should come as no surprise, but when I finally arrived and the sun was shining on my face, I knew that I needed this trip more than I could imagine. It’s because I too was an aging woman. I needed some other strong yet vulnerable souls around me who could not only empathize with what I was going through, but could also be equally open and allow me to show support for whatever it was that they were going through. And each of them was going through plenty.

I don’t say any of this to mean that connection is a female-specific issue. I know plenty of men who are going through it as well. Everyone needs companionship and comrades who won’t hesitate to step in and play a non-judgmental and supporting role in one’s life. I think about the movie Stand By Me a lot—it’s based on a short story penned by Stephen King. A novella about a group of childhood friends who head out on a quest. The essence of the tale is evergreen, no matter who you are: you need and never forget the people who cross through your life and fill your cup. 

If ever a prescription could be so easily filled, I would wish that your doctor would write you orders for a weekend like the one I just experienced. I came away from those hours feeling validated, so reassured, and just so grateful for the people who make me feel known. Even if I don’t see them all the time, I feel that they are with me every day— and I know that I can reach out to them, come what may. My hope is that they feel the same…but somehow, I know I don’t need to ask, because I know that they would. I’m grateful to have fulfilled this elusive prescription, and on that note, I’d suggest that others push to do the same thing: reach out to the humans you value and commit to coming together. Phones put away. Even if it feels hard to overcome the daily rigors, once you commit and stand face to face—sharing a sunset or a genuine embrace, you will know that this was exactly what you’ve been needing.